You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
