I feel great
I just peed on a car
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
