I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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