My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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