You're a womanizer and a bitch.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
