I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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