I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
