What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
