God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
