I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize