I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
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plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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