i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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