she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I could fuck to npr.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
