Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
