Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
