Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
