She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
