I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
