He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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