the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
