So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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