My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
