no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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