you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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