Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
