I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
