party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I puked a lego.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
