maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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