i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
