She's JV to your varsity
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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