Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
