My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
