i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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