So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
