It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
