One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
