You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
