I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
