At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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