This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
