we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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