wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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