butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
organizing the empties. That sober.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
