Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
