I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
