I'll bet she douches with gravy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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