Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
