It's Friday. Sex?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
