I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
