In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
