What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
