Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
