I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
