i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
