bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
