woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
