i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
