I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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