we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
