Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
