i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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