Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
