oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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