just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
