Pants 0. Shit 1.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
