Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
