i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
