Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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