Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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