Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
