We are two peas in an std pod
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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