I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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