turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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