remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
