I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
