He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
