I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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