Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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