it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
